Gratitude

=)

Hi.. it has been a long time not updating my blog.. kinda sad though =(. but yeah.. i have been really stressed out these semester that i have no mood to update my stories. Honestly, i have lot of lot of things to tell you guys about what happen exactly with my life here. maybe i should just summarize and highlight several things? 

If you want me to describe my 3rd semester in Biola in word, i will say something like unveiling, well can't describe it in adjective but yeah.. disclosure about suprising things that remain hidden for whole of my life. I don't mean to start any religious talk again but well, this is part of my true story and i just want to share, hope that my story can inspire people out there who might experience the same thing. 

I believe that everyone has personal struggles in their life that remains unknown and hidden deep deep down inside their hearts. Although people are willing to share with others, they just cannot pour out everything even to their closest family and friends. This problem is just inevitable. So, whenever you saw people who laugh and smile everyday, who looks completely fine from the outside, trust me, they have their own struggles that people can never ever understand. More suprisingly, i found out that sometimes they cannot understand what's wrong with them!

This is what happen to me since the beginning of my class. I struggle and i have nobody to talk to. I ask God why i have to go through this problems and sufferings. Why God did not help me? So many thoughts that go through my mind that i believe God has left me, God did not love me anymore. It is shocking though to see myself really in despair and hopeless. I have cried every week and asked where is He. Why He did not answer my plead? I almost given up. I have read the Bible, i have prayed and i have done what I was supposed to do, but things still the same. nothing has changed. 

So what did I do then? How this is solved? i recognize that i cannot keep everything alone. I can't. I cannot stand by myself, i cannot fight on our own. That's why God is there. I have been really proud of myself, thinking that i can do everything on my own, thinking that i can face this alone. I dont need others to help me (or people just don't care with my issues or i don't want to bother others). This truth slapped me. Immediately, i know what i should do, share it with my friend, S. At first, i kept on insisting not to because i don't like crying in front of others, but i just can't bear it anymore. I must do it. Now. So what happen is yes i cry, cry and cry. It's really embarrassing, but actually it works. I felt relieved. 

Maybe some people feel reluctant to go their friends and share their problems. They don't want people to see them cry because they will look weak. But, that is a form of pride, i believe. If you have good friends, they will be there for you and they will not mock you when you cry. They will hug you and say it is okay. They will listen to you. Be careful when you share your story. Share it with the ones you trust, the ones whom makes you grow. There is a quote, " True friend is someone who make you grow." If your friendship does not let you be better, i think that is not my friend. It is just a mere relation, nothing special.

Thanks to God, that He has taught me something through my struggle. I have more intimate relationship with Him now and with my friends! I forget to tell you that along with my struggles, sickness came to me. For almost 4 weeks, i got problems with my health consecutively. Starting from allergy, cold, diarrhea, and gastric, all of them makes me stressed a lot since it came during my busy week. Well, thanks to God that He has helped me to go through everything =). Being sick while you are far away from your home is really unpleasant, but i am thankful that i got bunch of awesome friends who care for me. ;). Thanks S and A who have helped me. =D. i don't know how to pay you guys back. And thanks for all of your prayers. =). i really appreciate it. 

I know it is a long post, and i don't know whether it is inspiring or not. but, please do tell me if there is some mistake or not. I'm gonna take that as input and maybe if you guys have question just formspring me. lol. 

Have a wonderful days ahead =)

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ.

Blessings,

NANA